“How much of ourselves should we share with our patients?”

Illustration by Jennifer Rodgers for AJN

The ‘therapeutic use of self.’

Early nursing theorists wrote about how the “therapeutic use of self” helps us to forge close working relationships with our patients. Today we talk about authenticity, and it’s been noted that “the essence of nursing care comes from bringing our authentic selves to the nurse-patient relationship.”

We each develop a nursing “style,” weaving our own identities into the way we relate to patients and families. But where do the parts of ourselves that are very much “us” but not immediately evident to others come into the picture?

“Would a single mother hesitate to share her story of adopting a child without
a male partner? Would a widower refrain from correcting the assumption that
his spouse is still alive?. . . . I am compelled by the belief that sharing truth in either
scenario would enhance the authenticity of the relationship. Nevertheless, I remain
reluctant to correct my patients’ misperceptions of my family life.”

To disclose or not to disclose?

In this month’s Reflections column, “A Lie by Omission?“, nurse practitioner Charles Yingling takes a thoughtful look at what we choose to share with our patients, and what it means to them and to us when we do so. Can a nurse refrain from disclosing key parts of his or her identity and still be “authentic” as a giver of care? If we keep a very important part of who we are out of the interaction, do we rob ourselves and our patients of a chance to deepen this therapeutic relationship? 

A matter of context and judgment.

Of course this is not a question of nurses blurting out the facts of their personal lives to every patient. The encounter, after all, is about them and not us. But in the right context, sharing our humanity can be deeply meaningful to another single mom considering adoption, or to a patient dealing with grief after losing a partner, or to a gay or transgender teen.

Read Yingling’s nuanced thoughts on “the power of these human connections” in nursing practice in the January issue of AJN. The article will be free until February 7.