“This family’s brave, selfless, and clear-minded approach to their daughter’s last days showed me that it is still possible for me and my colleagues to heal in the ways we want to heal, hurt in the ways we accept we will hurt, and not harm in ways we never, ever intended to harm.”

A painful contradiction of pediatric ICU nursing.

One of the things that feels most unfair about pediatric ICU nursing is that with critically ill children, you don’t get the comfort of being able to look back and say, “At least they lived a long and happy life.” You ache that a baby, a toddler, a school-age child, a teenager was supposed to have their whole life ahead. But instead, much of their short life was marked by illness, prods and pokes, lines and tubes, sedation rather than play, a sterile environment full of strangers at all hours rather than a home full of time with friends and family.

The deep desire in both the parents as well as the health care providers to do anything possible to give them a shot at a future is in and of itself right and good. Yet the decision about how much to push both medicine, and the child as the obligatory recipient, in the fight for a future that is neither guaranteed in quantity nor quality can often be wrought with controversy and ethical distress. Clinicians do not necessarily find peace with their work just because a life was physically saved; sometimes quite […]