Finding Perspective In an Ancient and Fabled Landscape

“Negativity and angst dissolved. Silence seeped into our spines, relaxing our amplified neural conversations and untying cranky muscles. We were just two insignificant human specks surrounded by a massive, glacier-carved swamp; its deep bowl filled with the layering detritus of millennia…”

Illustration by Janet Hamlin for AJN. All rights reserved.

The above quote is from the July Reflections essay in AJN. We’ve been running this column for decades, each month a one-page personal essay by a different outside author, many but not all of them nurses.

The author of “Of Swamps and Pandemics” in July (free until August 20) is Pamela Sturtevant, a nurse in Massachusetts. She writes deeply and well about a simple thing: taking a walk with a companion in an ancient and fabled swamp during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Taking refuge in ‘deep time.’

While the most frightening surges of the coronavirus may be in the past, and the initially bewildering and all-powerful virus has been tamed by vaccines and precautions if not vanquished, our world hardly feels more stable than it did a year ago. Smoke from wildfires 3,000 miles to the west recently tinted a sickly yellow the air of states in […]

2021-07-22T10:49:19-04:00July 22nd, 2021|Nursing, nursing stories|2 Comments
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A COVID-Era Telehealth Appointment Drives Home the Fragility and Strength of the Therapeutic Relationship

The Reflections essay in this month’s AJN is by LaRae Huyck, a psychiatric mental health NP. In this one-page story with a dramatic COVID-era twist, she explores her years accompanying a young counseling patient from suicidal depression during adolescence to joyful engagement with life as she heads out into the world on her own. Writes Huyck:

The time I spent with her seems so short, but in actuality it made up nearly a fourth of her life. We had traveled though the awkward adolescent years, the landmine of her parents’ divorce, the loss of a beloved grandmother, and a failed relationship that ended her dreams of a prom date.”

The healing power of a therapeutic relationship.

“The Importance of Time” adroitly summarizes this journey, revealing the author’s compassion for this young woman and her hopes for her as well. It’s a story of healing and growth that reveals the good that therapeutic relationships coupled with medication can do for some patients. […]

2021-01-11T13:47:05-05:00January 11th, 2021|mental illness, narratives, Nursing, Patients|0 Comments
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Bringing Redemptive Voices from Greek Tragedy to COVID’s Frontline Clinicians

Bearing witness.

I enter my patient’s room and hear the sucking click as the door slides shut behind me. Vacuumed silence, negative pressure—but all the pressure in the world seems to settle onto my shoulders, my head, and down through my back, filling my feet like wet cement.

I need to move. His oxygen saturation is dropping again. He’s grimacing. Is he in pain? I wonder as I step closer to the bed. My pulse quickens as I take in the scene before me: glassy eyes inset upon a sunken, sallow complexion; bleeding mouth; the imperceptible rise and fall of chest to the biddings of the ventilator; swollen limbs. A lock of hair falls into my eyes, but my PAPR hood prevents me from pushing it aside. His heart rate and respiratory rate are higher now. Maybe he needs more sedation. If only he could speak. I take in a measured breath of filtered air as I suction his breathing tube. Breathe.

The doctor appears and is talking to me, but her voice is barely audible above the steady stream of air rushing past my ears. We’re practically shouting. The plan, a combination of trial and error, science, and visceral, pit-of-the-stomach intuition, is shaky at best.

As she moves away toward the door, I want to call out to her, to beg her to stay, to look upon the suffering and feel its weight, but I am silent and she disappears into a sea of blue scrubs. I am alone in this sealed room […]

2020-08-27T09:45:26-04:00August 27th, 2020|Nursing|1 Comment
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National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day: Stories That Stay With You

by dave shafer/via flickr

October 15 is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a day of remembrance for those who have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Ronald Reagan proclaimed October a month for recognizing this kind of loss in 1998, and a resolution to declare October 15 a day of remembrance was passed by the United States House of Representatives on September 28, 2006, following an initiative by three mothers who had suffered losses.

The day serves to promote greater awareness, remembrance, and support of the estimated one in four individuals and families whose lives are altered by the death of their children during pregnancy, at birth, and in infancy.

‘A lonely grief.’

In a way, I wish I didn’t know this. I myself suffered an unexpected, second-trimester loss two years ago. The grief, excruciating in the days and months that followed, has subsided, but never fully disappears. It is a “lonely” grief. I found that miscarriage and infant loss is a topic a lot of people tend to shy away from—they don’t always know what to say or sometimes say something unintentionally hurtful (it was God’s will, you can go on to have more children).

This can be very isolating. Only through talking about […]

2019-10-11T09:57:32-04:00October 11th, 2019|Nursing|1 Comment
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Healing Words: A Critical Care Book Club

I was always a reader. The days of the Scholastic book fair during elementary school were among my favorites. Although it doesn’t appear in my CV, my first job was working in the school store. With every shift I worked, the smell of blank sheets of paper, the thrill of a pencil awaiting to be sharpened to that perfect point, or the ballpoint and ink pens in a rainbow of colors stole my hard-earned quarters.

‘Is it on the NCLEX?’

But reading novels during nursing school was just plain hard. There were competing priorities, a brain brimming with vital information, and sheer exhaustion at the end of the day. Assigned readings presented an overwhelming amount of contextual information. And then there was the constant attention to evidence, protocols, and clinical practice guidelines. The “need to know” information took priority; the sheer pleasure of losing oneself in a story—whether novel or memoir—was lost.

During my senior year, in an advanced illness course, my professors assigned a novel-style memoir, Bed Number Ten by Sue Baier. To this day, I can remember the reactions to the assignment: “A book? Who has time for that?” “Are we going to be tested on this book?”

Or, most importantly: “Is it on the NCLEX?”

The influence of a patient’s story on […]

2019-05-29T08:45:40-04:00May 29th, 2019|narratives, Nursing, nursing perspective, nursing stories|2 Comments
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Views expressed on the blog are solely those of the authors or persons quoted. They do not necessarily reflect AJN’s views or those of Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams and Wilkins.
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