“Word moves quickly that a patient on the unit has a daughter who is an RN.”

That’s from this month’s Reflections essay, “The Other Side,” in which a nurse struggles with her own mounting helplessness as her father’s hospital stay following surgery is unexpectedly prolonged.

On the other side.

The author finds herself in an uncomfortable in-between position, one that may be familiar to other nurses who have had family members in the hospital.

“I am an outsider, a family member on the other side. I know there is information not shared with me, information the health care team keeps to themselves. These conversations take place in whispered voices outside the room—conversations I have been a part of in the recent past, on my unit.”

A search for answers.

The helplessness felt by us all when a family member is sick may be even harder to accept for a nurse who’s used to being able to do something, anything, for the patient. Inevitably, when things don’t go as expected, the search for answers only intensifies:

“I question myself daily, racked with self-doubt: did I ask the right questions and push for the right treatments? Was surgery the right choice?”

Bringing to bear the knowledge of a nurse and the feelings of a daughter, Amy Lower goes right to the beating heart of this experience. The article will be free until May 21. Let us know your thoughts.

Illustration by Barbara Hranilovich for AJN. All rights reserved.