May I Hug You? Supporting Personal Boundaries in the Health Care Setting

Touch as affirmation.

Illustration by Julianna Paradisi

“May I hug you?”

My patient and I had just finished a rather lengthy conversation, the kind of authentic communication that reaffirms the humanity connecting us all—the number one reason I love being a nurse. Sitting in a chair across from me, she reached out her hand for me to shake. I sensed she felt the same connection I did, but was too shy to ask for more.

“May I hug you?” I asked.

Tears formed in her eyes as she stood and we hugged. The circle was complete.

Not everyone is comfortable being touched.

I’m a hugger. I connect easily with patients and throughout my career have given and received more spontaneous hugs than I can hope to count. Lately though, for a variety of reasons, I’ve begun to ask permission before hugging a patient.

Foremost, I’ve developed a stronger advocacy towards the right to personal boundaries. I am not you is a good thing to remember when meeting anyone for the first time, whether they are a patient, coworker, or a child. Not everyone is comfortable being touched.

‘Handshake free zones.’

A while ago, I met a new resident while visiting a patient in her hospital room. After introducing […]

2019-07-15T10:44:45-04:00July 15th, 2019|Nursing, Patients|1 Comment

In Health Care, We All Have Biases

Everyone involved in health care is likely aware of the disparities that exist in the system, from private patients who get fast-tracked and admitted to private rooms (all hospitals seem to have a “VIP” floor) to individuals who must wait until they are very ill and then can be treated as an emergency. And even though our ethics dictate otherwise, we know that, often unconsciously, we treat some patients differently.

Awakening to our preconceived notions and preferences.

Addressing Implicit Bias in Nursing: A Review,” written by Mary Curry Narayan and published in our July issue, discusses how preconceived notions and instinctive preferences can interfere with relationships and change how we treat patients.

Are you as comfortable walking into a room full of people similar to yourself as you are into a room full of people who speak a different language or are from a different background? Do you feel and act the same way towards a private patient with an MI who has a stable job and family as you would towards an unemployed person who has a substance abuse disorder? Will you spend the same amount of time speaking with them?

Recall conversations with colleagues at change-of-shift reports—in my experience, discussions there often color how we feel about patients before we even meet them.

Biases: we all have them.

Narayan points out that the first step in managing our biases is to acknowledge that we all have them—they’re part of our past experiences and are […]

A Health Care Proxy and an Act of Moral Imagination

“What would Joanna have wanted?” the ICU fellow (Dr. Smith) asked Sam, Joanna’s nephew and health care proxy, for the second time this week. Sam considered the question, furrowed his brow, and said, “I still don’t know, doc.”

The human costs of indecision.

Uncertainty can at times be better than false certainty. This may even be so, up to a point, when a loved one is on life-support and subject to invasive and painful procedures. It takes time to absorb the reality of a situation.

But any nurse can tell you that, at some point, indecision becomes a decision in itself, one that can lead to many unwished-for consequences.

Seemingly unanswerable questions.It

The quotation at the start of this post is from this month’s Reflections essay, “What Joanna Would Have Wanted” (free until July 15). The story, by nurse Jennifer Chicca, MS, RN, evokes the overwhelming sense of responsibility faced by a thoughtful young man in the role of health care proxy to a beloved aunt.

How is possible to be sure what someone would want, or not want, when their end-of-life wishes have not been clearly spelled out ahead of time? […]

Does Everything Happen for a Reason? One Oncology Nurse’s Perspective

Does Nature Argue Fate? The Acorn Contains The Tree/
charcoal, pastel, and ink on paper/ Julianna Paradisi 2019

The human need to find meaning.

“Everything happens for a reason” is a saying I hear a lot in my nursing practice, from patients and coworkers alike.

The need to find meaning in the events of our lives, good or bad, appears to be a distinctively human trait. Ancient Greeks believed Clotho, one of the Three Fates, spun the lives of humans. In medieval times, Anglo-Saxons may have believed in wyrd, a concept similar to fate in our modern language. Elsewhere, the idea of karma teaches a cause and effect perspective on this life, and on future lives. These are only a few examples.

Learning to ask ‘why’ as a pediatric ICU nurse.

I began questioning if everything happens for a reason as a pediatric intensive care nurse at the beginning of my career. Asking “why?” is a natural response to watching a child suffer. Why is a baby born without a functional left ventricle? Why does an infant contract leukemia or a brain tumor?

Certainly genetics or environmental factors cause some cases. Regardless, it’s difficult to […]

‘Worth Its Weight in Gold’: The Small, Unexpected Triumphs of Nursing

“Nursing is a job that sometimes finds you investing emotionally in things you never expected to care about.”

How many times have you waxed enthusiastic at work about something that people who aren’t nurses would find weird, or even downright gross? Eyeing a patient’s Foley bag and exclaiming about how great her urine looks…praising a young man for coughing up gobs of sticky sputum….

Illustration by Pat Kinsella for AJN.

The challenge of obtaining a specimen.

In this month’s Reflections column, “Worth its Weight in Gold” (free until July 7), visiting nurse Jonathan Robb describes his efforts to obtain a urine sample for culture from an elderly woman who has minimal bladder control.

Most of us are familiar with the balancing act of obtaining a specimen under conditions that cause discomfort or embarrassment to a patient. We cajole and gently press for whatever has to be done, trying to maintain a relaxed atmosphere while hiding any urgency about completing the task that we might feel. This delicate pas de deux has the potential to be very stressful for both parties.

Robb’s sometimes comical descriptions of the contortions necessary to meet his particular challenge will ring true to nurses.

“…despite the […]

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