The Baby with Tetralogy of Flow

It is a good day so far—none of the 16 critically ill babies in the neonatal intensive care unit has coded or died. So far, the shrill electronic alarms for dying babies have been silent.

As the neonatologist on call, this gives me the opportunity to talk to Anna and Jake, Baby Milo’s parents. Milo peers up at them with big brown eyes as Anna leans over his crib and whispers to him. A small transparent plastic mask covers Milo’s tiny nose to help him breathe, and a cluster of saliva bubbles percolate between his lips. Despite a sleeve of tape securing his right hand, his tiny fingers tug the orange orogastric tube taped to his cheek.

Milo’s father, a brawny man wearing scuffed brown shoes, ripped blue jeans, a T-shirt, and a tattered Green Bay Packers cap, sits in a chair and nervously taps his knee while he stares with bloodshot eyes at the vital signs on Milo’s bedside monitor.

“Milo is adorable,” I say from the doorway. His parents look over to me as I step into the room.

“We think so,” Anna says with a smile.

“How are you both doing?” I ask. “Being in the NICU can be pretty stressful.”

Milo’s parents glance at each other and nod. Anna takes a seat next to Jake, who touches her shoulder.

I pull up a chair. “Can you tell me Milo’s story? How did you end up in the NICU?” I say.

“We were celebrating my birthday at a steakhouse,” Jake says. “Right after they brought […]

2020-07-15T11:23:21-04:00July 15th, 2020|family, family experience, pediatrics|0 Comments

Cast Into the Shadows: COVID-19’s Power Over Non-COVID Cases

As a pediatric ICU nurse in a hospital that has not experienced an overwhelming surge of COVID-19 patients, it has taken me some time to register the ways this pandemic has affected my perspective and practice.

Non-COVID diagnoses left in the shadows.

Photo by Unjay Markiewicz/ Unsplash

I recently took care of two young patients, each with acute and unexpected conditions. One was under post-operative care after a brain tumor had been removed the day before. The other had been newly diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. What stood out to me as I interacted with their families was that these were some of the only people I would interact with in this period who did not have COVID foregrounded in their mental and emotional space. This feeling was followed by the sobering realization that this was only because they found themselves dealing with something just as insidious, if not more so.

In both cases, the families observed confusing symptoms in their children and had to wrestle with whether or not to go to the ED in the midst of a pandemic. Only when the symptoms became so severe and concerning did these families decide they could no longer avoid the ED. Now facing an inpatient hospital stay and […]

Morphine in Hospice Care: Why Family Members May Resist Its Use

Underlying his concerns was a strong sense of moral responsibility. He was his mother’s protector. He was her voice. He had a duty to keep her safe…

Morphine’s essential place in hospice care.

When I began work in a hospice, I quickly came to see morphine as a wonder drug. It was used so much more effectively in palliative care than with the med-surg patients I had cared for in the hospital!

Morphine can be given via multiple routes, it’s easy to titrate, its side effects are well-known and therefore easy to manage, and it can bring dramatic pain relief as well as markedly improved breathing.

It was common for us to admit patients to hospice whose pain had never been controlled, and they were often dumbfounded at how easily their pain could be managed. The proper medical use of morphine was literally life changing for them.

Addressing family members’ concerns.

As a result of my hospice experience, I’ve always been a big believer in patient and family education to debunk myths and highlight the optimal uses of this drug. And yet education alone isn’t always what family members need when morphine is prescribed for their loved ones. Especially when the patient is at home and it’s a family member, not a nurse, managing the […]

Daughter or Nurse? Caught Between Roles When a Father Is Hospitalized

“Word moves quickly that a patient on the unit has a daughter who is an RN.”

That’s from this month’s Reflections essay, “The Other Side,” in which a nurse struggles with her own mounting helplessness as her father’s hospital stay following surgery is unexpectedly prolonged.

On the other side.

The author finds herself in an uncomfortable in-between position, one that may be familiar to other nurses who have had family members in the hospital.

“I am an outsider, a family member on the other side. I know there is information not shared with me, information the health care team keeps to themselves. These conversations take place in whispered voices outside the room—conversations I have been a part of in the recent past, on my unit.”

[…]

The Invisible Nature of Grief

Most nurses know the stages of grief by heart: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We know the stages do not occur in an orderly, linear fashion. People flow in and out of each stage, circling back around to earlier stages as needed.

But I’m not aware of anyone discussing the invisible, insulating environment grief surrounds its survivors within. An acquaintance described it like this:

“We had just taken our son off of life-support, and sat with him as he passed. Our entire family had gathered to say goodbye. After leaving the hospital, we went to eat. I sat in the café, marveling at the world outside, that people were going about their daily lives, and I had just lost my son.”

When grieving periods were the norm.

collage by julianna paradisi/2018

A cultural understanding of this phenomena developed during the Victorian era, and still exists in period romance novels: People of means, after suffering the loss of a loved one or recovering from traumatic illness or injury, were sent to live with relatives in the country or at the seaside. There, they had no household responsibilities beyond taking long walks through the forest or along the shore, keeping journals, or sketching. In romance novels, the grieving heroine gets the added bonus of discovering a Fabio-like love to heal […]

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