Writing as Another Tool for Coping as a Nurse

“I recall wondering where this process had been all my life. Of course, it had always been there. It simply hadn’t occurred to me that writing could be such an effective tool for examining, reflecting, processing, and learning.”

‘Like a girl playing dress-up in a nurse uniform.’

by hannah olinger/unsplash

At age 19, I graduated with an associate’s degree in nursing, passed my boards, and went to work in a regional hospital near my college, in the city where I grew up. My geographical radius was as puny as the range of my life experience. I feigned excitement about the new job, but I was overwhelmed. I knew I needed more of everything: experience, education, tools for coping. Eventually, I discovered one of the missing tools was writing.

I entered every shift with anxiety, certain I would walk in on a patient or situation I was ill-equipped to handle. At night, I tossed with worry. When sleep came, dreams became nightmares of IVs running dry and patients coding.

I had only myself to blame. As a teen, I wasn’t ready to decide what to do with my life. I knew nursing was a noble profession, and my parents nudged me toward a program that was economical, efficient, and allowed me to live at home. At […]

2021-06-01T09:48:47-04:00June 1st, 2021|Nursing, nursing career, nursing stories, writing|0 Comments
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Making Sense of Loss, Finding Strength as a Nurse

Maria, day 6.

It was bright outside, the sun was shining, and as I looked at the window in Room 303, I saw the light peering through. Maria, a 78-year-old Hispanic woman, mother of three, could not move and did not see that spring had begun as she struggled to breath. She looked at me with her helpless teary eyes trying to communicate, but I could not hear the words.

I’d d been Maria’s primary nurse for five of the six days that she has been hospitalized. During that time, I had witnessed the tension and anxiety that existed within her family around her admission with Covid-19. I hoped silently that a DNR order would be initiated if her breathing worsened instead of her being placed on a ventilator. But I tried not to express my feelings to her family about this when I helped them to communicate with and see their mother using FaceTime.

Maria’s family watched as she slowly declined, and saw how she didn’t respond to treatments. Feeling hopeless and overwhelmed, I tried to schedule a time to speak to my nursing manager about how I was feeling, but she was always too busy scheduling and assisting on the floor after other staff called in sick.

Hard decisions take […]

2021-05-13T10:24:41-04:00May 13th, 2021|COVID-19, Nursing|0 Comments
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The Bittersweet Reality of a Nurse’s Limits in Providing End-of-Life Care

Three young patients on the same trajectory.

Image by strikers/pixabay

I have recently spent time with a few young patients all on the same sharp trajectory towards their final day of life. All had different diagnoses, and on the days I had the privilege of being their nurse, they were each at different points on that trajectory.

M. was just four days away from dying, though he and all his medical caretakers thought at that point that he had at least a few more weeks.

J. was a couple of months away from dying, and on my shift with her, she knew her situation was bad but remained hopeful for some last-ditch interventions.

R. was well-appearing outside of an unsteady gait and slight sideways drift of her eyes. She maintained levity and a hopeful innocence in the first few hours of my shift with her before I took her to her MRI scan. As I watched her MRI images appear with a clear and tragic diagnosis, I heard the physicians outside of earshot from the MRI table discuss the inoperable, inevitable turn this would take for her in the very near future. R. didn’t know yet that her budding dreams for adulthood would not come to pass, and it felt a […]

2021-04-02T15:27:22-04:00March 31st, 2021|Nursing|1 Comment
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Learning on the Fly: Thoughts on Birding and Nursing During a Pandemic

“This book is about interpreting what you see and hear in order to make better judgments.”

Tundra Swans, watercolor and ink, 2021 by Julianna Paradisi

It’s my opinion that every nursing textbook should open with the above statement. However, it’s from the introduction to Sibley’s Birding Basics, by David Allen Sibley.

During home isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, my husband and I took up birdwatching as a way to get out of our home and entertain ourselves while maintaining our “bubble.” Armed with binoculars, David’s camera, and my artist’s field bag, we visit local wetlands and wildlife reserves, recording our finds. That led me to read Birding Basics.

Experience coupled with pattern recognition.

As a nurse, I can’t help but link the idea of “interpreting what you see and hear in order to make better judgments” as a definition of a nurse’s intuition, commonly referred to as a “nurse’s gut.”

While there are times when a nurse’s clinical intuition borders on the psychic, many of these revelations are a product of bedside experience. For instance, patients, including infants, sometimes exhibit facial grimaces or say words that a hawk-eyed bedside nurse rightly interprets as signs of impending doom such as a cardiac episode […]

2021-03-23T10:13:08-04:00March 23rd, 2021|Nursing|0 Comments
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‘Right Under Our Noses’: Nightmarish Nursing Home Conditions During the Pandemic

As vaccinations increase and COVID-19 infection rates in nursing homes plummet, it’s easy to forget just how bad things got in many of them and how ill-equipped many were in the the early months of the pandemic to provide humane and effective care.

The following excerpt is from our March Reflections essay, “Right Under Our Noses: Nursing Homes and COVID-19,” which was written by a California nursing professor who volunteered to join a California Medical Assistance Team. The mission of her team was to bring aid to a skilled nursing facility where the coronavirus was rapidly infecting both patients and staff, a facility with little PPE available and many staff members refusing to come to work out of fear of infection.

The conditions I saw were shocking, even to an experienced nurse. I saw soggy diapers on the floor at the heads of many beds on most mornings. One day a bedbound patient needed the bedpan. I searched every closet and drawer but there were no supplies. I filled a basin with warm water and cut up a PPE gown to make washcloths to clean the patient. On the second day of my deployment I realized that many of the patients […]

2021-03-18T12:10:25-04:00March 18th, 2021|COVID-19, Ethics, infectious diseases, Nursing, nursing perspective, safe staffing|1 Comment
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Views expressed on the blog are solely those of the authors or persons quoted. They do not necessarily reflect AJN’s views or those of Wolters Kluwer Health/Lippincott Williams and Wilkins.
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