Most nurses know the stages of grief by heart: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We know the stages do not occur in an orderly, linear fashion. People flow in and out of each stage, circling back around to earlier stages as needed.

But I’m not aware of anyone discussing the invisible, insulating environment grief surrounds its survivors within. An acquaintance described it like this:

“We had just taken our son off of life-support, and sat with him as he passed. Our entire family had gathered to say goodbye. After leaving the hospital, we went to eat. I sat in the café, marveling at the world outside, that people were going about their daily lives, and I had just lost my son.”

When grieving periods were the norm.

collage by julianna paradisi/2018

A cultural understanding of this phenomena developed during the Victorian era, and still exists in period romance novels: People of means, after suffering the loss of a loved one or recovering from traumatic illness or injury, were sent to live with relatives in the country or at the seaside. There, they had no household responsibilities beyond taking long walks through the forest or along the shore, keeping journals, or sketching. In romance novels, the grieving heroine gets the added bonus of discovering a Fabio-like love to […]